Today was more of the same meaningless existence, sleeping to avoid missing people, and ocasionally getting up to walk around, just so that I could be exhausted enough to fall back into a restless sleep. I don’t really care about the bad dreams anymore. The days are too long and painful to be conscious for them.
Today unfortunately, I do not have the energy to get up and smoke to numb the pain, and I’m too heartbroken to drink whiskey. I miss him so much, it’s like my heart is being ripped out, stitch by stitch and I can’t do a thing about it.
And other people watch me and think maybe I’m overreacting, why else wouldn’t they do something?
Someone eventually has to do something about it because I’m wasting away.
I smell like Dove Soap and misery so without trying to do any more pointless data entry, I’ll lay back down and try to distract myself in my hospice of a room, of a mind, until I fall asleep. And hopefully, it will be as painless and quick as possible.