Day 682

Today, all I can think is that I’m grateful that there are only 682 days left. And ungrateful that there are still so many days left. I’m exhausted, things are not changing and I am beyond ready to lay my head down and be done.

My sister and her boyfriend are moving all the kid things into their new place today. I know it shouldn’t affect me anymore, but it still does. I don’t even cry. I just become empty, I go and lay down among the detritus of my bedroom and am I very quiet. Sometimes I can feel the tears rising up in my chest and in my throat, but I don’t cry anymore. I don’t know which is worse; crying or not crying.

“Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“I never am, today is a bad day.”

Today I go out into the world, simply so that I can go back into the ruins of my room and sleep. And I hope, genuinely, that the universe gives me a break, and I won’t wake back up.

About masterpieceofadisaster

Alias: Kuckoo Savant
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One Response to Day 682

  1. ihatepoetry says:

    Remember that nothing, especially these times, is permanent. Everything is always changing.

    Liked by 1 person

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