What the heck am I doing if I go back to my old ways, associating myself with the things and people that only cause me pain? True, it could be on the way to opening a new and better door my mind tells me. Or, and more likely, it could cause me a whole other world of hurt. What am I doing?
Today I was able to get Panera with my mother, my mala beads got delivered and I went shopping with a friend and got a few things. I will be practicing driving later if I can get out of bed and I get to go to a Buddhist class tomorrow. Still, the second I am home, with only my own thoughts, I am empty. Temptation is everywhere. I have to change. I can’t let myself sink further down than I already am. Something has to change.