1 year after

Yesterday, despite attempts to turn off such notifications, my Facebook reminded me that exactly a year ago, I came home from my stay in Missouri. Which of course sent me into another emotional tailspin where I couldn’t get out of bed or eat.

I wonder if they got that notification too. I wonder if they even batted an eye. I know that despite what my mind tells me, I don’t need them in my life, I am better off, supposedly. But that doesn’t help when my mind lies to me, keeps me in bed, and keeps me from even taking a shower.

A year after, I go to bed as early as I can, and sleep in as late as I can. I miss them like crazy. I think about them everywhere I go and whatever book I read or show I watch.

I don’t know how to block them from my mind. But I found a Buddhist advice book at the library

“Love hurts-Buddhist advice for the Heartbroken”, and sometimes it helps.

Though sometimes is not nearly enough.

Today, summoning the energy to take a shower is not worth it. What’s the point? Nothing I will do will make them come back. Or care how much I want to die. I don’t know how they don’t care but they don’t, and that leaves me all by myself.

About masterpieceofadisaster

Alias: Kuckoo Savant
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 1 year after

  1. jade says:

    Have you read the Tao of Lao Tzu? Sage advice-book, man.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s