Today, I learned that an acquaintance of mine, who is younger than me, is pregnant with her third child.
Kinda speechless right now. I know that I’m not having my own kid, and I know the reasons why I’m not are valid and perhaps responsible, but it doesn’t make this less of a bummer or something to be envious of.
Just like when I see my nephew. I know my reasons, but knowing that the timeline is ticking down, and that there’s no sign of a child in sight for me, is almost too much to bear these days.
Some think I should stop spending time talking to such acquaintances, to not trigger myself, but I’m triggered by everything, from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. The obsession is in my brain and there’s no compulsion for it to make myself feel better, even temporarily.
I want to take a Lyft and there’s nowhere to go. Today is off to a really shitty start.