I won’t

I won’t write about you. I won’t write about the excitement of finding somebody who understood me. To feel needed and valued. To have someone I could rely on.

I won’t write about arriving and feeling like part of something bigger than myself. That feeling where you get so happy, the happy raises up your throat and makes your voice squeak in excitement. I won’t write about that.

I won’t write about getting close to you, and spending time with you. I won’t write about being taken in and accepted, and then pushed away.

I won’t write about where it all went wrong. I won’t write about your piercing eyes. They made me feel like I’d never been seen before. I won’t write about how your arms felt or how my heart broke.

I won’t write about how in therapy I talk and laugh it off, but some days it hurts like hell. Because you saw me, really saw me, and then decided I wasn’t worth your time.

I won’t write about how much I want to message you, but I’m too afraid to get the cold shoulder. That I can’t be broken another time by you because I think it might end me.

How I think maybe you’re waiting for me to make a move, and I’m waiting for you, so maybe we’ll never cross paths again and that’s almost too much.

I won’t write about how I’ll avoid sleeping, avoiding the possibility of seeing you in my dreams too, along with all day long.

I won’t write about how goodbye felt like forever and how much I love you still.

I won’t write about any of that.

About masterpieceofadisaster

Alias: Kuckoo Savant
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3 Responses to I won’t

  1. ihatepoetry says:

    I’m sorry, but with every day, it should get easier. BTW, he was wrong to ever go down that path with you. He wasn’t available and shouldn’t have given you the impression he was. I just want him out of your life and your memory. Better days are ahead. Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tournesol says:

    Ouf! I feel your pain…like a tsunami at first. Eventually the tidal waves subside.


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